I’m going to be the first one to admit that I was still selfish during the first year of having my baby. I know how could you, no not you or maybe you can feel me on this too. Prior to having my son it was all about me. I mean parties, hanging with friends, spending money on clothes and going out on dates how could I just past that up. Each time some one told me that my life was going to change. Psshhh please it was still all about me. I grew up as an only child. (Oh. So your spoiled. Each time someone hears only child that’s what is assumed) But no let me be the first one to tell you I DID NOT get what I always wanted. I wish I did thought but that just didn’t happen. Ok let me get back to the story. So as my son was born, I’m going to be honest I didn’t have this miraculous feeling that I’m a mother now. I was more so in the time zone as what the hell just happened time zone. Prior to even having my son I used to specifically stay away from babies because I literally thought I would break one. Yes break as if there glass right. But there just so fragile and light and any item that includes those two words are asking to be broken. I found myself struggling to know how to go from being all about me me me me( Beyonce song “No, no, no” got stuck in my head right there.
Anyway, found myself struggling from being all about me to all about him. The first 3 months with breastfeeding was a struggle because the first months of life there is no thinking about you because my son needed at the time felt like every minute of my life. Now, that he is a year I look back and want to share my experience from going from selfish to selfless for the new moms or moms that are still struggling to opening up their hear to let their little one in like I did.
Give yourself time
First and foremost give yourself time. I mean you literally just had a baby and going through one of the biggest transitions in your life. Accept that there will be times where you will be frustrated as hell because instead of getting that ample amount of time in doing your hair or going out shopping like you usually do or in this case use to do know it’s time to spend time with your baby. Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions of feeling sad, frustrated and overwhelmed. I know I been there. Especially, the money it takes for the baby that alone can make you cry well makes me cry just thinking about it. I know I love a bargain but not as much bargain when it comes to diapers, strollers etc especially if you have your baby on formula… As you give yourself time to adapt you are on your journey of becoming selfless.
Be patient with yourself. I think I was under this impression that as soon as my son came out I was supposed to all of a sudden start thinking about him and knowing what he needs. Nope didn’t happen that way but for some reason I felt like I was forcing it which only made things worse. My husband and I both had to learn what our baby needed. It’s not going to be laid out for you. Know that if you need a little break that it’s ok . There will be those overwhelming crying nights where you won’t know what to do. Know that you are not alone because I have been there too. You and your child are getting to know each other so be patient with learning to think about someone else before yourself.
Adding one more to love
I think this was the hardest one to grasp that it’s not just about you anymore.(NOOOOO!! With my knees on the ground yelling at the sky) Haha I would do something like that too. But know that it’s ok It’s time to open up your heart for another person to come in. Let it happen slowly though don’t feel like it has to be forced. It will come through time. Do theusual checking what your baby needs (eat, sleep,poop) as you start becoming use to it and you begin to see that smile on his face that selflessness and mother instincts starts coming through. I know it seems like well sam of course we’re going to see what the baby needs. But the point is giving and investing your time will automatically open up your heart for your little one. It might seem like a lot at first but trust me it’s all worth it in the end.
Don’t forget about you
I had to add this one because even though yes you want to be selfless you still have to give some time for yourself. Now hold up I’m not talking about booty poppin in the club way hours of the night. But more so taking time to hang out with some girlfriends for lunch or going to the nail salon whatever it is that can get you relaxed to be able to be fully there with your child. I know for me taking the time to write my post or have lunch with a girlfriend is my “me” time so I can be fully present when I come home.
These are some of my experiences that worked for me. What did it take for you to become selfish to selfless? Or were you those miracle mothers that instantly had motherly instincts.
Share below. Let me know I’m not alone in this.